update.

i haven't been blogging in a while, so this is an update

So far things have been good, 

my friends awesome,

my life pretty well,

school great.

But me, myself.

Well i'm longing not to be alone.

I know it might sound weird to who ever is reading this,

but I want a relationship more than anything right now.

That would make my life perfect and replace the dark whole that

remains there now.

All I can hope is that a girl can see me more than a "hook-up"

Im done with that.

Got bailed on DLAND, that sucked.

I should have never asked someone else, even though

i promised you.

That was a dick move, and im sorry.

I really hope you forgive me.

But anyway, a week and a half left of break, and nothing to do

Everyone is out with family, and i'm stuck here.

Nothing to do.

Maybe i'll draw, or write music, idk.

I mean it is my vacation.

But till then ill remain as I am.

This has been an update. 

hyper

so I caught up with a little someone over text.

It was so nice catching up.

So I asked her if she wanted to go with me to disneyland.

And she said Yes.

As if my life could not get any better, she put the icing on the cake.

Life as I know it is perfect.

Simply perfect.

Also a side note, I love my friends.

And if your are reading it, and you know who you are, 

you mean the world to me, and i would do anything for you.

progress....

um so ya.
haven't talked to you in a while.

So update. my life is great.
I hope yours is to.
And im sorry for what i'm about to say,
my final answer is no.

I'm sorry I really am, but you just make a fool
out of me too much.

And i've been getting crap from everyone about you.
So i'm done. Have a good life. I know i will.

about today...

my arm around her just felt so right.


I never thought about her like that, but today I just 
imagined, and perfection.


She is, to me.


She can make me laugh, even forcefully.
She finds little ways to make me happy, everytime I see her.
We flirt almost everyday in class, but I don't know what she feels.


I've learned to wait and see how things turn out, rather than spring up to them
I had to learn the hard way.


But for now, I will keep admiring you.


Your amazing, and I would love to share it to the world,
You are wonderful. 
:)

how i feel

LIFE...

has never been better.

I feel as if that night was the right thing to happen.

Suddenly my life just seems perfect.

I'm enjoying all the things in my life, a little more.

I'm sorry that this friendship isn't going to work,

but it's the best thing for us.

Maybe in time, we can work something out.

But right now, enjoy life.

Don't stay hung up on me, and let me get you down.

Enjoy life.

this is how i feel......

about last night...

last night I can sum up in 5 words:
HATE
Love
Depression
Happiness 


So typical of choir shows having this effect.
I've always seen it happened to others, just never thought it could happen to me.

DRAMA.

There is no other word like it,
and this word is always negative no matter how you place it.

So this is what I want to say....
KBS i'm really sorry for just letting you slip away when your sad,
and that i really want to help you and make you feel a sense of happiness

Even though your decision was "no" I still care about you a lot. I just want the
awkwardness to disappear. Just talk straight up. I'll talk back.

And to the other person who ruined my night/life.
Why? Why do you demand so much attention all the time.
YOUR not like that. The stunts you pull of don't just make me look bad, it
does the same for you. But why can't you see that.

Right now I am in a state of un-decision, don't say your sorry,
cause your not.


Please, the best thing you could do right now is leave me the f***
alone.


Thats all I want.


Why do you have to be a psycho bitch sometimes.


You know what, I just want my friend back.




Then despite all of that drama. I did find some good in the night.
I found out that although I was depressed, I had friends there for me.
The ones that I would do anything for.
There for me :)


They are the ones who make me see love and compassion
I really do love my friends.


B: "Hey are you ok?"
Me:"No, I just cant believe this happening.."
Me:"I just have to go get it all out of my system."
B:"I'm kinda worried...are you ok?"
Me:"Nope but i'll be fine...tell me when we are lining up."
B:"Where are you, im worried, I see you i'm coming."


These are how my friends care, and i respect them for it.


Just a quick side note, isn't it strange how you have problems with one person
and then all of choir finds out, and you have no idea, that every single
person in the room knows....its just strange. like why do you need to know.




about last night...

reunion.

today got me remembering memories that i've put aside.
it's nice remembering the good times.

As well as that I am crammed with all the work and rehearsals..plz stop
Its really too much for me at this time.

Why the bad scheduling.

As I've said i LOVE my friends, they are just the best.
thanks for being there for me. i will always be there for you.
reunion.

tomorrow.

so tomorrow is really going to be hectic.

So far on my agenda:

• Get through school alive
• Get kidnapped
• Drive to Thousand Oaks for Candel Light Rehearsal
• Sleep (hopefully)

I'm kind of scared to show what tomorrow has in store for me...

stress.

Life sometimes gets in the way.

for me, far to many times

my grade on the line, you come in, and leave unexpectedly

leaving me in stress.

god I hate the word, no joy comes of it

Wednesday will be my distraction, hopefully

But until then I remain stressed.

50/50

You mean so much to me.

And every time I see you I smile and stare.

Your always easy to talk to, just hard to read.

My feeling about you are vast,

but I don't know if you feel the same way.

It's been a while now and everything is the same.

Sometimes I wish there would be change.

So I remain 50/50.